Mega Post-Apocalyptic Double Bill Read online

  “Frankie did it,” Eda said.

  “Right,” Linda said. “Yeah, she was a lot like you – young, pretty and too goddamn curious for her own good. I hope she made it.”

  “Me too,” Eda said.

  She picked up her fork and started pushing the tomatoes and cucumbers from side to side.

  “Can I ask a question Linda?”

  “Shoot.”

  “If I wanted to walk out that door,” Eda said, pointing a thumb over her shoulder. “If I wanted to walk downstairs, leave the Complex and never come back, just like Frankie – am I free to do that?”

  “Oh Eda,” Linda said, laughing softly into the back of her hand. “What do you think’s going on here? You’re not a prisoner. Do you see any bars or chains around here? You’re as free as a bird honey.”

  Linda smiled. Then she stroked the back of Frankie’s ear gently and looked over at the front door.

  “Time I was heading out for a smoke,” she said. “I’ll clean up these dishes when I get back.”

  It was Lucia who delivered the bad news.

  Helen of Troy’s cleaner was, on an ordinary day, a cheerful old woman. She never stopped smiling and was always singing some Spanish ditty or another as she worked her magic around the apartment first thing in the morning. Added to that, Lucia always walked with a carefree light step. She was remarkably energetic for someone who was at least in her late seventies.

  Not today.

  Today the old woman looked grim and heavy as she sat Eda down on the bed. With a painful-looking smile, she stroked her thumb over the younger woman’s cheek in a back and forth soothing motion.

  “I’m sorry baby,” she said in a croaky voice. “There’s a man in New York.”

  Eda burst into tears right away. This sudden outburst surprised her as much as it must have surprised Lucia. It had been a long time. Eda had never been much of a crier but today it felt like she couldn’t stop the waterworks.

  She didn’t want to either.

  The two women sat on the bed in silence with Eda resting her head on Lucia’s shoulder. Lucia stroked Eda’s brown hair gently and whispered soft Spanish words into the younger woman’s ear.

  “I know child,” Lucia said, after some time had passed. “Oh poor Eda, they shouldn’t have asked you to do this. It’s too much. What a burden for a young woman to carry on her shoulders, to have to see the curse in action.”

  Eda lifted her head up and wiped her eyes dry.

  “I’ll be alright in a while,” she said. “No more men – that was a dream too big I guess. Anyway, who is he? Who is this man?”

  Lucia made a loud, pig-like snorting noise.

  “An old man of course,” she said. “He’s been here just over a week.”

  “A week?” Eda said.

  “Yeah I know,” Lucia said. “But Shay puts them in a hotel until you know…”

  “Until I’m fertile,” Eda said, nodding her head. “No point in sending them over if there’s no chance of getting a baby out of it.”

  “That’s right child,” Lucia said. “It’s the way of the world.”

  “Do you know anything else about him?” Eda asked.

  Lucia shrugged. “One of the guards downstairs said he might have come up from Massachusetts or something like that. I don’t know for sure. There are always a lot of rumors swirling around town every time another man shows up at the door. Most of them are rubbish but people talk, right?”

  “What did he say about the curse?” Eda asked. “Shay asked him about it?”

  “Don’t know Eda,” Lucia said. “Really I don’t know. But if he’s like all the rest of them I wouldn’t hold out hope of any common sense coming out of his mouth.”

  “When’s he coming over here?”

  Lucia hesitated.

  “Today,” she said.

  He arrived at the Waldorf later that afternoon.

  As Eda’s assistants helped her get ready, they kept her up to speed with his progress. After his arrival, he’d spent some time on one of the lower floors with Zahra, the hypnotist, undergoing a half-hour session known as the relaxation ritual. After that, he’d been taken somewhere else to clean up a little and have some time to himself before heading up to the thirty-fifth floor.

  While the man was on his own, Zahra popped into the Presidential Suite to visit Eda.

  “Look at you!” Zahra said, walking into the apartment with wide eyes and a large grin that showed off a set of dazzling white teeth. “Oh my God, Eda! You look amazing.”

  Eda was standing beside the wooden bookcase on the far side of the living room. Two of her assistants, Gillian and Nicola, were putting the final touches to her makeup. For the occasion, they’d put Eda into a white dress with a bright red floral pattern on it. Eda hated the dress – it felt like she was wrapped up in alien skin. The two assistants had picked it out for her, completely ignoring her protests about how disgusting it was. Gillian and Nicola said the summery dress was a perfect compliment to Eda’s slim figure.

  In the end, Eda had given up trying to complain.

  Her long brown hair had been washed and hung loose over her shoulders. But the worst thing of all was the makeup they’d splattered all over her face – red lipstick, eyeliner and blusher. She’d seen pictures of clowns before and that’s what she felt like now – a clown in an ugly dress.

  They’d turned her into someone else.

  Helen of Troy.

  The clip-on earrings – two silver pearls – were also annoying the crap out of her as she fidgeted endlessly with them as Zahra stepped further into the living room.

  “You look incredible,” Zahra said. “Absolutely incredible. Oh wow.”

  Eda tried to smile but it wasn’t easy with the two women still working on her face with brushes that tickled and God knows what else. When they sprayed a little perfume on her neck Eda thought she would puke for sure.

  She looked across the room at Zahra, who was tall, dark and slim – the perfect Arab beauty of Middle Eastern fairy tales. Although she was about ten years older than Eda, Zahra would have made a perfect Helen of Troy. She had the looks. She had a great personality. So why hadn’t Shay asked her to take on the role? Zahra looked like she could still bear children and on top of all that, she already lived in the Waldorf too – it’s not like she’d have to move far to get her stuff into the Presidential Suite.

  Maybe Shay had asked Zahra. And maybe Zahra had done the smart thing and said no. Hell no.

  “Where is he now?” Eda asked.

  “He’ll be here in a moment,” Zahra said. “Patience young lady.”

  “Did he do the relaxation ritual?” Eda asked

  “He sure did,” Zahra said. “This one’s not quite the arrogant asshole that the last one turned out to be. That’s my first impression anyhow.”

  “Why don’t I get a relaxation ritual?” Eda said. “Don’t I look scared enough or something?”

  “You’re not in danger,” Zahra said in a calm voice. “This guy is. He’s well aware of what happened to all the men who turned up here before he did. And while I appreciate that it’s your first time and that you must be nervous Eda, the curse isn’t a direct threat to your life. It kills men, remember?”

  “What do they get out of the ritual?” Eda said. “At least give me some clue as to what it’s all about.”

  “It just allows them to relax and become suggestible,” Zahra said. “I start by encouraging them, telling them that they’re going to sleep with the most beautiful woman in the world…”

  Eda shuddered.

  “…and that this will be the most pleasurable experience of their life,” Zahra said. “They become fully immersed because I’m promising them pleasure after years of hardship, pain and loneliness. They want this. Not only do they want the sex, they want the glory that comes with it. Becoming the father of the new world is a big deal. It doesn’t matter what or who they were before, this is their ticket to immortality. While I talk to them, the physical wo
rld shifts to the back of their mind along with the fear. Soon it’s like they’re under the spell of a drug. We concentrate on the high, the ecstasy of orgasm and the faith that yes, it still exists for us. With any luck, they come up here in a positive frame of mind. That’s about the best I can do for them. And for you.”

  Eda heard footsteps outside in the hallway. She heard Shay’s voice and another – a man’s voice. They were getting closer.

  “Kill me now,” she said.

  “You shouldn’t joke about death,” Zahra said. “I don’t think it’s appropriate right now.”

  “Who said I was joking?” Eda said.

  Zahra signaled to the two assistants beside Eda and nodded.

  “Our work’s done here ladies,” Zahra said. She pointed towards the spacious dining room behind them. “We don’t want the poor man to see all of us standing here together like this. That would be quite intimidating and it’s important that he stays relaxed. We’ll go hide in the bedroom and once the coast is clear we’ll sneak back out.”

  She winked at Eda.

  “Good luck,” Zahra said. “I have a strong feeling about this one.”

  “You’ll be fine,” Gillian said to Eda. “You look absolutely incredible.”

  She gave Eda a brief hug. The white and red flowery dress squeaked under the weight of the embrace. Nicola wished Eda luck too and then along with Zahra and Gillian, hurried out of the living room. Eda could hear the two assistants squealing with muted excitement as they ran off.

  “Lucky bastards,” Eda grumbled. “Don’t trip up on the way out.”

  She glanced at herself in the antique silver mirror. There was a stranger, covered in face paint, looking back at her.

  “What the hell are you supposed to be?” she said, screwing her face up.

  At that moment, the door clicked open and Eda spun around. She stood tall and barefoot on the carpet, trying to summon the joyful demeanor of a summer goddess.

  Shay’s head appeared through a narrow crack in the doorway. She looked at Eda and a huge smile appeared on her face. Her eyes were glowing. The young woman’s dramatic makeover obviously pleased her.

  She opened the door further and walked into the room.

  The man strolled in close behind her and his eyes lit up immediately when he saw Eda standing by the bookcase.

  “Helen,” Shay said, closing the door behind them. “May I present to you Mister George Mitford, from Virginia.”

  George Mitford stepped further into the living room. He was approximately in his mid-to-late sixties, a slightly overweight man whose large, leathery forehead glistened with a fine coat of sweat. Eda wondered if it was nerves or all those stairs in the Waldorf that were making him sweat so much.

  He was dressed in a faded dark raincoat, one that stretched all the way down to a pair of zipped black boots that looked freshly scrubbed.

  Mitford bowed slowly.

  “Ma’am,” he said. “It’s a great pleasure to meet you at last.”

  When he lifted his head again, Mitford’s eyes devoured every inch of the young woman he’d come so far to visit. His silver mustache twitched as he inhaled Eda’s perfume. There was a flicker of bewilderment on his face, like he couldn’t make sense of the foreign odor.

  “So it’s true,” he said, wiping a layer of sweat off his brow. “You really are the most beautiful woman in the world. I can honestly declare that this long, arduous journey was worth every single step, and I say that no matter what happens next. Yes ma’am, I didn’t think such feminine beauty existed anymore.”

  Eda forced out a smile. “Thank you,” she said.

  “You’re welcome,” Mitford said. He came closer, each step a loud clap of thunder. Eda noticed that the man’s hands, hanging at his sides, were trembling slightly.

  “What a sight this goddamn country is now,” Mitford said, looking back and forth between Eda and Shay. He tugged at the collar of the white shirt under his coat like it was choking him. “Dust and skeletons. That’s all that’s left out there now.”

  “I can only imagine,” Shay said. “Apart from the ambassadors, it’s been a long time since anyone in the Complex ventured outside of Manhattan.”

  “That’s about the smartest thing a person could do ma’am,” Mitford said. “Just stay put and keep safe. I’ve trekked the length and breadth of this country and it’s like walking around Hell and finding out that all the devils have deserted it. Well, most of them anyway. That goddamn war, I tell you. It took everything.”

  “Yes it did,” Shay said.

  Eda’s heart was racing. She couldn’t imagine being left alone in a room with this strange man, let alone having to get into bed with him.

  “I guess it’s up to us to do our duty,” Mitford said, looking at Eda. “When I heard about what you gals were doing here in New York, my heart filled all the way up with hope. I’m being truthful now. I never thought I’d see it – an organized attempt to get the human race up and running again. To rebuild. Well, I’ll be damned – maybe there’s a chance for us yet.”

  He wiped his forehead dry again.

  “This curse,” he said, looking at Eda. “I don’t know much about it and right now I don’t give much of a damn either to be honest. We must do our duty, at all costs.”

  “Right,” Eda said. “Duty.”

  She wondered if there was time to go to the bathroom and puke.

  “And now for a brief fertility blessing,” Shay said. She stepped into the center of the room and invited Eda towards her. Eda walked over slowly, taking Shay’s hand in her own. Shay then reached over with her other hand, took Mitford’s and placed it on top of Eda’s. Eda flinched. Mitford’s skin felt like a block of splintered wood. He was staring at Eda, still smiling but now that he was closer she could smell his hot breath blowing on her face. There was a hint of minty toothpaste on his breath and she wondered if someone had forced the old man to brush his teeth before coming up to the Presidential Suite.

  Mitford kept licking his lips.

  “Dear Universe,” Shay said, closing her eyes. “Dear Creator, Dear Mother, Father and everything else in Nature. You know our deep desire for a child. To be forgiven for the sins of our savage and selfish past. Please forgive us now. Please lift the curse and bless this union between man and woman. Bless Helen that she may conceive today and bring forth a child into the world and with that child we’ll begin to build a better future – a peaceful future. Hear this, our prayer oh Creator, oh Universe. Bless this coupling.”

  Shay opened her eyes.

  Eda pulled her hand away from Mitford and took a step back.

  “Well that was sure pretty,” Mitford said, looking at Shay. His teeth were on show every time he smiled; they were mostly crooked and yellowing. “You don’t hear nice words like that anymore. I never liked poetry much before but now, I appreciate it better I suppose.”

  “I understand,” Shay said.

  Mitford nodded. “Now before we go any further,” he said, “I’m going to have to take a piss – excuse me, I mean take a leak. You got somewhere back there that I can go?”

  Shay nodded.

  “Down the hallway,” she said. “On your left hand side.”

  “Thank you kindly ma’am,” Mitford said, walking away. He glanced at Eda once more and she heard him whoop quietly under his breath.

  “I’ll be damned,” he said.

  Shay turned towards Eda once he’d left the room. The courteous smile that had lingered on her face since she’d walked in with Mitford was gone.

  “Are you okay?” she asked. “How are you feeling?”

  Eda shook her head. “I’m terrified,” she said. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here Shay.”

  “You’re not supposed to do anything,” Shay said, placing her hands on Eda’s shoulders. “Let him do all the work and I promise it’ll all be over soon. You don’t have to go out of your way to please him Eda. It’s obvious that he’s overjoyed just to be in the same room as you
. And so he should be.”

  “Let’s just get it over with,” Eda said, wincing. “God I hope he doesn’t die on me…”

  “One last thing,” Shay said. She took her hands off Eda’s shoulders and leaned in closer, lowering her voice to a whisper. “You must remember that if things do go wrong in there it’ll be shocking. I’m sorry to say this but it’ll be the worst thing you ever saw and you must be ready to face it. We won’t be far away but brace yourself Eda. Be brave and stay calm. Do you trust me?”

  Eda nodded. “Yes.”

  “Good girl,” Shay said. “I’ll see you when it’s done.”

  Shay squeezed Eda on the arm and then walked out of the room. She closed the door quietly behind her.

  It wasn’t long before Mitford came back; it was almost like he’d been waiting for Shay to go before reappearing.

  “She’s gone then?” he said, looking around the living room.

  Eda took a deep breath.

  To hell with it.

  She walked over and grabbed Mitford by the hand. Without saying a word, she dragged him into the hallway and towards the bedroom.

  “Well I’ll be damned,” Mitford said, laughing out loud. “I always liked my gals with a bit of urgency about them. Know what I mean?”

  Eda pulled him into the bedroom and closed the door.

  They stood in front of one another at the foot of the massive bed. The drapes were drawn, extinguishing all natural light from the room. There was only the faint glow of candlelight left. Gillian told Eda earlier on that it was supposed to look romantic.

  “Take your clothes off,” Eda said.

  Mitford smiled and undressed like it was a race. As he clumsily pulled his coat and shirt off, Eda saw the man’s large belly flop forward, the reddish-pink skin rolled out in all its fleshy glory. He pulled his pants off as quickly as he could too, almost losing his balance and toppling over in the process.